Words I Never Said
by Crazy Dame
Summary: Even after her shoulder had healed and her health was in the clear she had still declined the multiple invites and had not swayed under Dean's more aggressive strategies of trying to talk her into coming along. / Picks up 5 years after "Stalling".
1. You Can Deny Angels Exist

_You can deny angels exist, convince ourselves they can't be real. But they show up anyway, at strange places and at strange times. They can speak through any character we can imagine. They'll shout through demons if they have to. Daring us, challenging us to fight._

_- _"Sucker Punch"_  
><em>


	2. Letting Go

"You know Ava."

Sam's head jerked around at the sound of Castiel's voice addressing him, the flutter of the angel's wings only further announcing his arrival. Dean, having nodded off, rolled over onto his back with a groan before slowly propping himself up on his elbows to level a heavily squinted glare in the man's direction.

"Come again?"

Sam turned away from his laptop, pen that had been in his hand dropping onto the legal pad he had been jotting notes down on as Castiel moved forward into the center of the room. The angel's gaze looked even more troubled than usual as he looked from Dean to Sam and back.

"Ava. You two know her."

"_Knew_," Dean corrected as he sat up and threw his legs over the edge of the bed, hands gripping the mattress as he rolled his shoulders in an effort to work the numerous kinks free. After several sharp pops rung out did he relax with a sigh. "What's it to you?"

"Yeah, we haven't seen Ava in, what, five years?" Sam looked to Dean for confirmation as he leaned forward in his chair, elbows resting against knees. "What's the deal?"

The angel set his jaw as his hands came up the way they always did when getting ready to explain something he knew the brother's wouldn't like. "I can't-"

Dean groaned and stood up. "Again with the whole secretive angel crap, Cas? Forget it. We're not helping you unless you start explaining what the hell is going on."

"Dean-"

"No." This time it was Sam who was standing from his own seat. "We're not involving her if you're not going to tell us what's up. Count us out." Turning his back to them both he busied himself with packing up his things, mind swimming with the memory of the last time he had seen the once-angel. _His_ guardian angel.

Castiel moved towards them in his stoic silence, the only sound registering his movement that of his well known trench coat softly slapping the material of his slacks as he did so. "All I can tell you is that she may be involved in what is going on in Heaven."

Only having just shoved his laptop in his bag Sam slowly turned to regard Castiel with an incredulous look. "Involved how?" The silence he received caused him to smirk and shake his head. "Right. Can't talk about it."

Following Sam's lead Dean began to pack up his own things. Hands worked on tucking books and maps alike out of sight and into his duffle bag. "What I want to know is why you need us to find her." Hands halted in their task as he stared Castiel down. "It's because you can't, can you? She's off the grid and you need us to track her down."

Castiel sighed and nodded. "Yes." He watched as the brothers finished their task of packing their things, Dean overturning the pillows and the sheets of the bed he had claimed to make sure he left nothing behind. "I tried as best I could to locate her without drawing too much attention to my actions." As the information sunk in and both men turned to look at him he again nodded. "I'm not the only one looking for her."

Sam scoffed, eyes wide. "What the hell-"

"No," Dean cut in, keys in his hand jingling loudly as he pointed a finger at the angel. "We're not doing jack for you until you give us answers. Until then you're on your own. I'm tired of this hush hush bull you're putting us through. Don't know if you've known noticed but you keep putting our necks on the block and then disappearing with the whole 'I'll fill you in later' routine. We're done."

There was a beat of silence as the three men stared at one another; Dean's gaze shrewd, Sam's own concerned and hesitant, and Castiel's completely devoid of any emotion.

"Give us your word."

Dean's neck broke as he looked at his brother. "Excuse me?"

"Give us your word," Sam said again after pulling a deep breath into his lungs. His eyes trained on Castiel despite the fact that there was someone currently burning holes into the side of his face. "That if we find her you're going to tell us everything about what's going on. And not a CliffsNotes version, Cas. We want all of it."

The angel remained quiet for a moment before nodding in agreement. "I have no idea who Cliff is but you have my word."

At that Sam looked over to find Dean shaking his head as he turned away from the pair with a groan. "This is a bunch of bullsh-"

"Dean," Sam sighed while watching the angel turn away this time. "Wait, you do realize we have no idea where to start."

Castiel stopped in mid-stride and turned his head although he didn't regard Sam directly. "The last place I was able to trace her to was somewhere on the outskirts of Battle Creek, Michigan."

"Great, so not even a legit location. Just a 'somewhere' in the middle of nowhere," Dean countered while shouldering the strap of his bag. In response came the sound of Castiel's departure and Sam braced himself for what he knew was coming next. "And YOU. You're not allowed to talk for the next hour. What the hell were you thinking? What the hell _are_ you thinking?"

"What if-"

"No. You're not allowed to talk."

As Dean stormed past him towards the door Sam stopped him with a gentle hand to the shoulder. "She risked herself for us... for me. If there's something we can do to stop whatever it is Cas is hinting at I want us to do it."

Dean knew damn well he couldn't argue with that but that didn't mean he couldn't stay angry at the younger sibling for not backing him up. "Fine. But you're still not allowed to talk. Starting now."

At that Sam let him go with a nod and only once he was out of earshot did he chuckle softly to himself at the turn of events. Not so much because he found it humorous but only because moments before the angel had arrived his thoughts had actually been on Ava. The way it always seemed to happen really. He'd be focused, completely engrossed in something else, and then, ever so slowly, she would invade his thoughts.

At first it would only be the memory of her face the last time he saw her when they had said their goodbyes. Even years later he remembered the way the sunlight had played off her curls, grey eyes shining in a mixture of amusement and something else Sam could never quite put his finger on as they had packed their things into the backseat of the Impala. Even after her shoulder had healed and her health was in the clear she had still declined the multiple invites and had not swayed under Dean's more aggressive strategies of trying to talk her into coming along. No, he had watched her form grow smaller in the passenger mirror as they'd driven away and had fought the urge to tell Dean to turn around after every mile of road they covered.

Here was his chance to see her again.

After one last sweep of the room he grabbed his own bags and slipped out the door into the morning sun to find the Impala idling against the curb with Dean behind the wheel with a mean case of lockjaw. Only after he had thrown his things into the backseat and slid into the passenger seat did Dean speak, eyes staring straight ahead.

"I understand where you're coming from, Sammy, I do. My only problem with this scenario is us getting in the middle of something we have absolutely no idea about, or any business getting in the middle of... But you're right, we owe her for risking herself for us."

Sam nodded in understanding and having gone to open his mouth to thank his brother the elder held up a hand and shook his head before shifting the car into drive.

"Your hour's not up yet."

* * *

><p><em>As the old me I predicted all my recent plights<br>Exhausted. Trying to fall asleep. Losses at my recent fights  
>Burdens on my shoulders now, burnin' all my motives down<br>Inspiration drying up, motivation slowing down _


End file.
